My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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