Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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