Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
