Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
