He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
