He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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