You just made me feel so damn special
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
