I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do herpes really smell.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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