peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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