I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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