i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
