Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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