Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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