I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
