It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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