Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
