I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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