If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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