I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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