Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
