she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
