She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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