i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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