singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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