she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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