this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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