I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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