i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
