sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
