i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
