i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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