A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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