So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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