he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
