I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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