How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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