The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
