I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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