i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
