my phone needs a breathalizer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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