Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
