Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
