he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
