Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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