Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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