Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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