I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
