Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
