He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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