dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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