i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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