i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So here I am, sexting at work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
